Sunday, August 21, 2011
So I am strating again and I am so excited. Exited to do the program right...to use all 7 tools and really get into the steps. The last month has been absolutely crazy for me with all the traveling etc but now we are all getting into the school routine and I had a great day today. Ruth is going to send me new questions. I was so exact with my measuring today and it felt so good to know I had been totall honest and careful. Its so nice to know I just dont eat unless it is on my food plan exactly when its on my food plan. I have to go shopping tomorrow as I have no food in the house so I will emial my food pln to ruth after I get it figured out according to what proteins are affordable at the store!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
17. Re-read Step Three. Discuss and reflect from the follow quote, “Faith alone can avail us nothing.”
Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him" .
Its so interesting this turning our life over and yet I can't only have faith to be able to overcome this addiction. I have felt heavenly fathers power in my life over the last 2 and half weeks and i think it is because I have sought it more. It is always ther we just have to reach out and taake it. Even thought I haven't been perfect I feel like this is a process of recovery , that my effort is helping me understand my relationship with food and the underlying issues and subsequent symptoms of my compulsion. I have to say the last few days I have felt more obsessed with it because I have been hungry but today I felt so much better and more hopeful because I ater yogurt with my dinner as part of my protein. I need to go get some corn germ as I think that will help too. I can barely run wround after my kids without more carbohydrates. I am so grateful for this process, my sponsor and Heavenly Father who are helping me get through every day. It blows my mind that I haven't eaten any sugar or flour or grain at all for that matter besides the outbran for the past 18 days. It really is unbelievable to me that I haven't talked myself into going into the kitchen aand saying screw all this and stuffing my face with ice cream. I feel like I have made such a huge step in that regard and I have let go of that deomn on my shoulder...She's not there right now and as long as I stay close to heavenly father, plan and work the steps I'll be able to let her go forever.
Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him" .
Its so interesting this turning our life over and yet I can't only have faith to be able to overcome this addiction. I have felt heavenly fathers power in my life over the last 2 and half weeks and i think it is because I have sought it more. It is always ther we just have to reach out and taake it. Even thought I haven't been perfect I feel like this is a process of recovery , that my effort is helping me understand my relationship with food and the underlying issues and subsequent symptoms of my compulsion. I have to say the last few days I have felt more obsessed with it because I have been hungry but today I felt so much better and more hopeful because I ater yogurt with my dinner as part of my protein. I need to go get some corn germ as I think that will help too. I can barely run wround after my kids without more carbohydrates. I am so grateful for this process, my sponsor and Heavenly Father who are helping me get through every day. It blows my mind that I haven't eaten any sugar or flour or grain at all for that matter besides the outbran for the past 18 days. It really is unbelievable to me that I haven't talked myself into going into the kitchen aand saying screw all this and stuffing my face with ice cream. I feel like I have made such a huge step in that regard and I have let go of that deomn on my shoulder...She's not there right now and as long as I stay close to heavenly father, plan and work the steps I'll be able to let her go forever.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
16. Read Step Three (Chapter 3 in the AA 12& 12). Create another balance sheet. On one side list all the reasons you can for believing in God. On the other side list all reasons for disbelieving.
Goodness....I'm not sure there will be anything in that column. Everything that I have experience in my life points to the existence of God.
My children are the biggest evidence of God. I have felt closer to God since having them.
My husband tonight said, boy I sure can't wait til you get your energy back. I'm not hungry I just have no energy past 2 Pm I'll eat a full dinner per the program and I feel stuffed but I I still feel sluggish. I hope it gets better.
Goodness....I'm not sure there will be anything in that column. Everything that I have experience in my life points to the existence of God.
My children are the biggest evidence of God. I have felt closer to God since having them.
My husband tonight said, boy I sure can't wait til you get your energy back. I'm not hungry I just have no energy past 2 Pm I'll eat a full dinner per the program and I feel stuffed but I I still feel sluggish. I hope it gets better.
Monday, July 25, 2011
5. Re-read Step Two. Discuss and reflect upon your childhood exposure to any religious concept. On a two-column balance sheet list on one side your negative feelings and on the other side your positive feelings as they relate to early religious experiences. What conclusion do you reach when you reflect on the balance sheet?
I know I am supposed to answer this question but tonight I feel I need to write down and process my feelings today. I had a major setback in my attitude. I am on my period and felt really weak and I had some extra protein for lunch and I asked my feind Katy if that was ok and she said she thought it was a slip. I have to be honest. I got mad. I felt like...what the heck I am doing the best I can, I am taking care of 4 little kids...running them here and there...disciplining them, keeping up a house of 6 people, doing laundry...and I felt really defiant toward the program. I wanted to quit. I really felt like why am I doing this? Do I really have a prblem so bad that I can eat practically no carbs after breakfast? One of the things that has become realy hard is the lack of carbs to provide enough energy to do what I need to . My sister is coming this weekend with her 8 kids to stay over night and I just think how am I going to get ready to go to Utah a, get my house clean etc when I fell like I barely have enough energy to do the regular stuff? I know I need to do a lot of praying to get through this negative time. tonight I am going to take some time for myself and really pray...it is so hard to get time to myself even right now my husband is calling me to family home evening!!!! AAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I know I am supposed to answer this question but tonight I feel I need to write down and process my feelings today. I had a major setback in my attitude. I am on my period and felt really weak and I had some extra protein for lunch and I asked my feind Katy if that was ok and she said she thought it was a slip. I have to be honest. I got mad. I felt like...what the heck I am doing the best I can, I am taking care of 4 little kids...running them here and there...disciplining them, keeping up a house of 6 people, doing laundry...and I felt really defiant toward the program. I wanted to quit. I really felt like why am I doing this? Do I really have a prblem so bad that I can eat practically no carbs after breakfast? One of the things that has become realy hard is the lack of carbs to provide enough energy to do what I need to . My sister is coming this weekend with her 8 kids to stay over night and I just think how am I going to get ready to go to Utah a, get my house clean etc when I fell like I barely have enough energy to do the regular stuff? I know I need to do a lot of praying to get through this negative time. tonight I am going to take some time for myself and really pray...it is so hard to get time to myself even right now my husband is calling me to family home evening!!!! AAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
14. Discuss and reflect upon the following concepts available in Step Two:
a) Belief means reliance, not defiance.
b) Defiance is an outstanding characteristic of every compulsive eater. Refer to page 31 in the AA 12& 12.
c) The hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than you think.
Interesting that this question is for today. I sitll do feel defiance toward having calories restrictted and having so much stucture in an eating plan. Actually it's just been today that I have felt that. I made some banana apple muffins for my kids and they wanted me to try them so much...they loved them and wanted me to have one too. I sat down and talked and laughed wtih them while they ate them and some feelings of annoyance and defiance welled up in me. I thought a lot about the therapy I am doing and the prayer I am going through. I wonder if I will ever be well enough to be acle to eat like a normal person and not have my weight, my body issues and food consume my life. Today and relief society i was looking around and ther were quite a few very overweight women...are all these women compulsive eaters. Are all of them overeaters and if so have they just accepted it as part of who they are or do they live in constant turmoil toward their bodies and food etc? I have a few freinds here...new friends who are probably have 20-30 lbs on me and we arent close enough to talk about it yet but I wonder if they obsess about food all the time or if they are just content to be how they are?
a) Belief means reliance, not defiance.
b) Defiance is an outstanding characteristic of every compulsive eater. Refer to page 31 in the AA 12& 12.
c) The hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than you think.
Interesting that this question is for today. I sitll do feel defiance toward having calories restrictted and having so much stucture in an eating plan. Actually it's just been today that I have felt that. I made some banana apple muffins for my kids and they wanted me to try them so much...they loved them and wanted me to have one too. I sat down and talked and laughed wtih them while they ate them and some feelings of annoyance and defiance welled up in me. I thought a lot about the therapy I am doing and the prayer I am going through. I wonder if I will ever be well enough to be acle to eat like a normal person and not have my weight, my body issues and food consume my life. Today and relief society i was looking around and ther were quite a few very overweight women...are all these women compulsive eaters. Are all of them overeaters and if so have they just accepted it as part of who they are or do they live in constant turmoil toward their bodies and food etc? I have a few freinds here...new friends who are probably have 20-30 lbs on me and we arent close enough to talk about it yet but I wonder if they obsess about food all the time or if they are just content to be how they are?
Friday, July 22, 2011
1. Read Chapter 4 in the AA Big Book. Discuss and reflect upon the concepts of Honest, Open-mindedness and Willingness. How are these tools of growth in the CEA-HOW program?
12. Discuss and reflect upon the concept of insanity as it applies to us in CEA-HOW.
Oh boy I have 2 questions to answer! IT is so hard to be a mother and find the time to work this program but it is helping me so much. Honesty is playing a huge role in my program....First I had to be honest with myself and my inability to gain control myself of my life and my disease. It was very hard for me to asmit to anyone especially myself that I needed outside help. The willingness for me come into play as I have become willing to let my sposor be a part of my life, to share my struggle...also my willingness to let the obsession with food go...It has been a great crutch and excuse in my life for so long.
Insanity....it is the very word to describe the battles I have had with myself over food. I feel like I could be committed...at times it almost felt like there was more than one person inside me...there were time I could talk myself into eating such crazy amounts of food. Katy said to me a couple days ago...people come for the vanity and stay for the sanity. I have actually come for both if I am being completely honest. It is true I want to be thin...I want to be happy and most of all I want to be sane when it comes to food.
12. Discuss and reflect upon the concept of insanity as it applies to us in CEA-HOW.
Oh boy I have 2 questions to answer! IT is so hard to be a mother and find the time to work this program but it is helping me so much. Honesty is playing a huge role in my program....First I had to be honest with myself and my inability to gain control myself of my life and my disease. It was very hard for me to asmit to anyone especially myself that I needed outside help. The willingness for me come into play as I have become willing to let my sposor be a part of my life, to share my struggle...also my willingness to let the obsession with food go...It has been a great crutch and excuse in my life for so long.
Insanity....it is the very word to describe the battles I have had with myself over food. I feel like I could be committed...at times it almost felt like there was more than one person inside me...there were time I could talk myself into eating such crazy amounts of food. Katy said to me a couple days ago...people come for the vanity and stay for the sanity. I have actually come for both if I am being completely honest. It is true I want to be thin...I want to be happy and most of all I want to be sane when it comes to food.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
9. Read Step Two (Chapter 2 in the AA 12& 12). How is taking Step One a necessity before taking Step Two?
10.Discuss and reflect upon the effectiveness of CEA-HOW from your personal experience and from what you have observed in others. Could what you have experienced emanate solely from you? If so, why had it not happened before?
So I am gogin to do these assignments and questions all at once as I am behind because of being sick and homw alone without my husband..when it rains it pours!
I think that we can only really have faith or believe step two is true when we have accepted step one because in order to accept God in our lives there has to be a cetain admission of necessity of need for him in our lives to find what we are looking for. In this case, freedom from the bondage taht food has over us and ultimately happiness.
From those people I have spoken to and the few phone meetings I have been able to listen to this program has literally saved peoples lives physically mentally and spiritually. I believe it al revoloves around support and service. ...kids are up must finish later....
10.Discuss and reflect upon the effectiveness of CEA-HOW from your personal experience and from what you have observed in others. Could what you have experienced emanate solely from you? If so, why had it not happened before?
So I am gogin to do these assignments and questions all at once as I am behind because of being sick and homw alone without my husband..when it rains it pours!
I think that we can only really have faith or believe step two is true when we have accepted step one because in order to accept God in our lives there has to be a cetain admission of necessity of need for him in our lives to find what we are looking for. In this case, freedom from the bondage taht food has over us and ultimately happiness.
From those people I have spoken to and the few phone meetings I have been able to listen to this program has literally saved peoples lives physically mentally and spiritually. I believe it al revoloves around support and service. ...kids are up must finish later....
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