4. Discuss and reflect upon the fatal nature of our disease as seen on page 24 paragraph 2 in the AA 12 & 12. In this discussion, reflect on how at the very least the disease has diminished your life.

I know now after these last few days how much food has really come between me and my heart, my mind and most importantly the people in my life. I have spent so much intense energy focusing on losing weight...obsessively gaining weight that I believe since I was a senior in high school...if I hadn't had this issue my life could have been totally different. I didn't have the courage to audition for plays at BYU because I felt so terrible about how I looked. I knew I could never get a part that would of course be given to someone skinner smaller and prettier than me. There were times I failed classes in college because of my food issues. I barely finished 13 years after I started....all because of the terrible disease tht robbed me of so many vital years. I have so much regret regarding it...I am trying to face that regret...but I can't let myself feel it fully yet it is too painful for me. If I even start writing about what this disease did to may dating life I would be here all night....I am just grateful to god that he helped me get it together long enough for about 8 months before I met my husband, heloed me lose 25 pounds so I was confident enough to date and fall in love with JAmes.....that was truly a tender mercy because I obviously was not healed yet...the tumor would come back it is back but this time I am getting the chemo I need...the theragpy I need that will help me rid myself of this disease for good. I think it has been with me for so long that it will be a day by day process for perhaps many years perhaps my whole life...but as long as I find peace with god and my life isn't about food anymore...that is what I hope for and I know that Heavenly Father can help me acheive. Already though I can feel the strength of the Lord helping me. Each ight when I go bed not feeling I like I am going to throw up from bowls and bowls of Honey bits or Ice cream. I feel at such peace when going to sleep there's really nothing better. I can feel the spirit so much more in my life because I am not so numb from the pain of compulsive eating. Each moment the fear I lived in diminishes. That is how I was living...the joy of life diminished by what is supposed to sustain life. So sad.