Hi am Carrie and I am a compulsive EAter!!!!

Today is my first day as a member of CEA and I have so much hope. I have finally come to term with the fact that I powerless against food. I don't need to fight it anymore. I don't have to "be in control anymore" I am giving the whole thing over to HEavenly FAther.

FIrst Question

1. Write a history of your compulsive eating beginning with the first time you can remember food related events. Discuss how much weight you have gained and lost, what medical attention you have sought for the problem and your attempts at maintaining your weight losses.

I think my compulsion started about the time I recollected and acknowledged the sexual abuse that happened to my as a very young girl. I was abused by a local older neighbor boy. He was only about 5 year older than me but I worshipped him nad did what he told me to. I was about 15 and a half when I seriously acknowledged what happened to me. At this same time boys became an issue in my life just as they do for most teenage girls. OF course I wanted to be liked by boys and I was a very thin teenager...incidentally with about a C cup. It got me attention but subconciously because of what I experiences as child....I did not want it. Conciously I craved it. I liked this one boy...and he liked me back for a while and then he decided he wanted to "go steady with a friend of mine. This sent me into basically a psycho tailspin of eating and exercising and eating....it becamse so bad that I left home and went to live with my oldest sister in Boston. Big mistake.....she had problems of her own...we did not get along and my senior year of high school became a series of yo- yo- gains and losses mostly gains until I wighed about 190 lbs. I believe at this point since I had done nothing to work through the issues from my childhood and now my obsession with food the cylcle became more dramatic and painful. I would compusively eat until I was so sick I couldn't feel anything except for the pain in my stomach. This pain masked my emotional pain. There have been times where I was able to get a handle on my obsession and since being married and having children I am in the best spot I have ever been but I still wake up every morning fearing food....fearing getting hugely fat....hating food.....hating myself for obsessing over it so much uuuggghhhh.........but I want to be more than this...I do not want it to rule my life anymore. I want to make peace with it....I want to eat a meal with my children and husband and not have to eat everything in sight after....but learn to stop when I am full and see food as nourishment not a pain killer.